015. 5 Signs You Should Not Be in a Relationship

May 20, 2015

Sure all women want love and want to find that everlasting love connection that will last a lifetime, but if you are not mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically prepared for Mr. Right to come along, you will not be happy when he does.  Furthermore, if you keep finding yourself unsatisfied in relationship after relationship or stuck in the same unfulfilling long-term relationship it may be because you are sabotaging your relationship because you are subconsciously tied to experiences of hurt or pain from the past. 

 

 

Often I hear women say “we all have baggage, find someone who is willing to help you unpack it.”  I do not necessarily agree with this concept.  True, everyone has a pass and a future, we have all been through our own trials and tribulations in life and some have been through much more than others.  However, before you enter into a relationship YOU should have already sorted through your own baggage and made peace with your past.  If you pursue a relationship prematurely without taking care of your own baggage first, you run the risk of becoming emotionally needy, seeking validation, or sabotaging your relationship.  If you are still in love with someone else, experiencing pain from another relationship, unhappy with yourself, have unresolved unconscious pain or feel as if you need a man in your life to save or complete you, you have some soul searching and healing to do before jumping into a new relationship.

 

You’re still in love with another man.

 

If you’re trying to move on, but you’re still find yourself reminiscing on memories and the good times both of you shared together, it’s clear you still have feelings for a previous partner. If your previous significant other dominates your present lover in your mind, you definitely have some old issues to fix before getting seriously involved with someone else.  If you are still in love with someone from a previous relationship, you do not need to pursue a new relationship.  If you choose to do so, you are not really allowing yourself to gain insight from the previous relationship and often tend to mentally transfer and assume the new person picks up where your last relationship left off.  Allow yourself between relationships to process the dynamics of the relationship, identify thing both you and your partner did wrong and how you can avoid or handle these incidences more effectively in future relationships.

 

You’re experiencing pain from another relationship.

 

I am sure by now you have learned there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Every relationship is going to have its up s and downs, however if you have experienced extremely hurtful situation in past relationships such as abuse (whether physical, sexual, or verbal) or infidelity, there is a good chance these experiences have left some type of emotional or mental scars.  If you find yourself still dealing with these emotional or mental scars from a previous relationship, particularly if you’re still feeling angry, hurt, or sad then you need to finish your emotional healing before starting a new relationship.

 

If you are unhappy with yourself.

 

It’s possible you may seek a relationship if you are unhappy with yourself because you think a relationship will make you happy or having a significant other in your life will help you to feel complete.  You are not ready for a relationship if you are unhappy with yourself.  If you find yourself constantly criticizing your appearance, or pointing out your insecurities, you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with yourself and address your iniquities, before pursuing a relationship.  Otherwise, you’ll either attract a partner that has the savior complex or you’ll attract a partner with the same issues.  If you are not happy with you, there is no way someone else will be able to maintain happiness with you.  And as much as misery loves company, two miserable people cannot make a happy relationship, it just doubles the misery. 

 

You have unresolved unconscious pain.

 

If you're experiencing negative feelings about the person you're with or if you tend to notice a pattern of negative feelings about your significant other in past relationships, ask yourself where these feeling are coming from. Are you untrusting in relationships?  Do you assume the worst in your partner without any warranted reasoning?  If so, you are most likely not prepared for a relationship because you are emotionally unavailable.  If you’re emotionally unavailable, it doesn’t matter who you fall in love with, but most of your relationships will end up failing because you’d leave everyone around you feeling infuriated because they just can’t understand you for the person you are.  Additionally, the reason you are emotionally unavailable likely stems from emotional trauma from the childhood or unresolved family matters.

 

You’re looking for someone to save you.

 

People engage in the wrong relationships for various reasons, perhaps the most common is the personal gain or what you believe the other person can offer you.  In many cases women may enter into a relationship because you think you will look good in a particular man’s arms, or perhaps his money will look good in your pocket, or dishing about the expensive dates and gifts to your girlfriends is a good look for you.  But believe this relationship will be short lived, the moment your partner realizes he is just a feel-good tool to you, and he will be gone.  And not only that, but karma one bad-mama-jama! 

 

All the issues that we develop over the years will never truly go away, they only become easier to deal with, to understand, and navigate. If you haven’t dealt with them, you aren’t ready.  The key to dealing with issues of our past is to be aware of it, know it, own it, and handle it.  First, make yourself aware of the beliefs, behaviors, and issues you have in or about relationships.  Reflect on each aspect and identify the source of this belief or behavior and determine how this situation has influenced your relationships and how to move forward and address the issue in current or future relationships.  I know it can be difficult to reflect upon some past experiences, especially if the experience was negative.  In some case, you may suppress memories to avoid unconscious pain.  However, in order to effectively prepare yourself for a healthy body, mind and soul it is imperative to make acknowledge and accept infractions of your past.  In order to make your healing process easier, look for the silver lining in the cloud.  Try to find the positive in each hurtful or negative experience; this is conducive to help you recoup your power of the situation.

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